Tofu looks disgusting. See:

Let’s be honest, pressing coagulated soybean curds into a lumpy misshapen block is never going to yield something worth looking at. But, luckily, just like anything else: add some green things, cover it with enough sauce, and you’ve got something deliciously appetizing — to both eye and tongue (just like your mom!).

Two good things about tofu

First, tofu is “chock full” of protein. Using the bad ass Nutrition Data website you’ll see that tofu is about 16% protein. Compare that to chicken breast which is 31% protein. Not too bad for a block of mush that sits in a bin of liquid at Ellwood Thompson.

Second, tofu is cheap, dawg. At Ellwood Thompson — where tofu lives in the aforementioned tub of fluid — the stuff goes for 1.29$/lb. Try to get the flesh of a dead animal for that price. I DARE YOU UNLESS IT IS HORSE OR MAYBE A DOG.

One bad thing about tofu

Tofu might give men dementia?

A mildly simple recipe involving tofu

Things you’ll need:

• 2 teaspoons cornstartch
• 1 1/2 tablespoons rice vinegar (or any vinegar at all)
• 2 tablespoons rice wine (or white wine)
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3 tablespoons soy sauce
• a bunch of broccoli
• some tofu

Mix everything but the tofu and broccoli together in a bowl. Cut up the tofu into whatever shape you find appealing — I like long skinny pieces. Cut up the broccoli in pieces small enough to fit in your mouth. Dump all of the tofu into your bowl and make sure to coat each piece with the sauce.

Put about a table spoon of olive oil (or however much looks right) in the bottom of a pan. If you’re feeling crazy throw some minced garlic in there. Now dump the tofu in and pan fry that bitch until it starts to get brown (about 5-10mins). Once you are thoroughly satisfied with the brownness of your tofu add the broccoli and the rest of the sauce. You did keep the sauce didn’t you?

BE VIGILANT!

The sauce, due to the cornstarch, will star to thicken instantly. Stir everything around to coat it with the now thickening and bubbling sauce — try not to break up the tofu. After the broccoli is cooked to you’re liking, your done.

Easy enough.